Transporter 2

Stupid and cheesy, I'd say make it a Blockbuster night, but I'd still be upset if I'd paid money to rent it.
Starring: Jason Statham, Alessandro Gassman, Amber Valletta, Kate Nauta, Matthew Modine, and Jason Flemyng
Written by: Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen
Directed by: Louis Leterrier

Welcome to the cruel world of movies in 2005, where movies like this one can be released and not be blasted off the face of the earth by reviews just because we're all so desperate that we try to make even the worst movies appear decent. The original Transporter, while far from perfect, was an incredible joy to watch with it's fast-paced action sequences and some of the best chase scenes in recent memory. In comes Transporter 2, a film which turns Jason Statham into a God-like superhero, who can magically dodge hundreds of bullets all at once, hang from an American flag (without it tearing mind you), and fall gracefully onto a Sea-Doo below, and much, much more. Starting to sound less like the Transporter, and more like a certain overseas martial arts hero right? Yep, apparently Jackie Chan now has a british accent. Between that and the horrid and laughable use of CGI during some of the most crucial scenes in the movie, it's almost hard to believe that this wasn't a B-rated action movie. Here's an example, during one of the car chase scenes, Jason Statham is forced to drive off of the top of one building and onto another; while something that's been done many times before, it always works well. However, rather than taking a real car and showing the stunt from multiple angles, a computer-generated car is instead used, making the whole scene look so incredibly fake that it made everyone in the audience either cringe or laugh out loud. That's pretty much the reaction during the entire movie quite frankly, and given that there are more holes in the movie than the most holey of Swiss cheese, it makes one wonder if those involved (particularly Luc Besson) even put any effort into the film at all. Yes, there are definitely some good moments in the film, as most of the fight scenes were very well done, and Jason Statham was excellent in his role as always. Another plus were the car chase scenes, and although they were few and far between, when they were happening, they definitely keep you at the edge of your seat. Another highlight came in Kate Nauta, who plays the evil vixen in Lola down to a T, and really made the film a bit more enjoyable. Everyone else, which is where the emphasis really is, you'll find yourself caring less and less about, and the more you think, the less happy you'll be with the fact that you're sitting watching the film. It's a sad year for movies indeed.

★☆☆☆☆